I don’t like to talk to people I don’t want to talk to, be it at work, home or any place for that matter. I don’t end up talking to everybody I see. I’ve tried to smile at strangers, treat the people I want to kill like my thickest friends I’ve tried as much as I could but my heart doesn’t let me do it. It doesn’t work that way for me. I don’t smile at you when I see you, talk to you like we are long lost friends, then go behind and talk about you. I don’t like you I don’t talk to you. It is as simple as that. I answer the questions you ask me and after that I keep quiet. But lately, my work or rather my career demands it. It demands for me to be a hypocrite which I hate. I’ve been told that if I am friendly with people at work even if they are trying to drown my career, step on my back and take the leap I should act like they are not doing it. I should talk to them like everything is normal because it’s professional and that’s what professionals do. Really? Well, then I don’t want to be a professional.
There are people in my office that I want to kick so hard on their arse that they should not be able to sit for days and everytime they want to bitch around about me I want them to think about the kick I gave them. But you know what I do? I appreciate their work even if it is crappy. I congratulate them even if they had taken my position in a meeting, stolen my work I smile and say, ‘Hey great job’ but the fact is, I hate this life and every cell of my body wants out of it. I don’t claim to be the most perfect person in the world but I don’t fake things either. I slurp a lolly pop in a public if I think it is tasty. It is not disgusting trust me! If you have a perverted mind, mine is more perverted you have no idea. So go on and amuse yourself! I don’t mind. I scream when I am happy and I laugh out loud sometimes have fallen off the chair when I laugh because that is me. That’s so raw me and why should I paint myself with different faces just because it will make my boss happy? Sorry, I am not doing that even if it costs my promotion. Like I said I’ve tried and it is not helping. I don’t like to run around people trying to impress them. I don’t want to suck up to them so they will notice I am here. I am done screaming for attention and I am so done assuming that they are going to notice me someday if I keep running behind them.
Here’s the thing about faking, you lose “yourself” in the process which is pathetic. Random people become your friends but in reality you will not have one best friend who knows you well because you are just a fake and you only get fake in return. Sorry!
Have you ever thought how it would be to be yourself? To say what you feel at least to the people you love? To keep mum with the person you don’t like? How would it be to take a day off and do the things you like? Plainly, to be you! Be alone if there are no friends, not act like you have a huge gang out there just for the sake of social network, post photoshopped pictures on your fb profile to show off that you are more gorgeous than someone else, to pretend and showoff like you have a huge group of friends where you know nothing about each other? Wouldn’t be simple to say, “hey dude, look! I am alone and my life is like this well it does suck sometimes I know yours does too. I don’t have a huge friends group. I hate my job so much that I wish everyday the moment I step in I want to scream I QUIT! I don’t look the best because I am not Anne Hathway! I am me, short, fat and I eat carbs and I am lazy so I don’t work out. So what if I don’t?” Sad we don’t do it because we always want to be others or afraid of something that is yet to happen OR afraid that if I don’t be like this I am going to lose something. Trust me, something that is meant to be with you will be with you forever. It doesn’t require attention or the fake you! J
The weather is awesome here. Happy Monday and rest of the week, try not to fake at least once today. Go RAW ;)