The Scary Scan

I am not a hospital person. I am needle-phobic and I hate visiting a doctor no matter how much ever compassionate they are I hate them. The moment I see the nurse taking the needle off the cover I start crying (Yes, I literally cry.) But then I have a health that is totally screwed most of the times I have to go to the doctor again and again. Last week I had been to take MRI scan and the moment I said MRI scan to few of my friends the first thing I heard was, “OK, now that’s bad!” and fear gripped me tight. The moment I entered the lab I heard a lady screaming and yelling inside the scan room like she is being tortured or maybe raped I can say! My eyes went bigger and I gave my mom that, ‘OH-MY-GOD’ look! And I asked the lab technician if its really painful, he chuckled and said “its just a scan and how can it be painful?” I was still not convinced, I even thought of returning home without the scan I can live with the disease, if there was really something! But then my mother was really stubborn about the scan thingy. A few minutes later a guy came up to me and said that he wanted put a catheter in my hand. Cathe! What?! You got to be kidding me! I recently came to know what a catheter is after reading It’s not about the bike by Lance Armstrong! And tears were at the brim of my eyes. So they took me to a room and put that little needle that had a tube in one of its end into my fist, it hurt so badly and I finally cried. My mom made sure that I don’t shake my arm more so the blood doesn’t start oozing out of my hand through the tube. She asked me to think of things that I like and people I love. Trust me It didn’t help all I could think of was the lady yelling inside the room and the catheter hurting my hand.

Unfortunately, I had to wait for 45 minutes for the first scan to get over when I saw numerous sick people being taken in and out of the rooms. And then came my turn when I was asked to enter the scary room they tied my arms to the bed and closed my ears with the ear muff and asked me not to open my eyes. They sent me into a BIG hole like the ones in the sci-fi movies. When the scanning started I could hear loud noises like sirens and oh! It was pathetic. My heart raced faster than ever, faster than it would when I saw that someone who would give butterflies in my tummy. I wanted to press the buzzer and ask the tech to check my BP that very moment because I know it should be very high! I was convinced that my mom stayed with me in the room and she was looking after me standing by the bed. I was slowly chanting the only prayer I know and minutes later I thought of a person who can make me smile no matter how bad the situation is I know he can make me smile. Later, I drifted into a trance state where there were beautiful memories, the fear, the confidence that my mother was there by my side and she will take care of me, the pain from the catheter, the loud howling of the scan machine and the slightest heat around my ears because of the radiology (I suppose). It took just 20 minutes but I felt like I was there for a complete day. The moment they stopped the scan I unstrapped myself and looked for my mom she was not there! So I was there in that room all alone but just the thought that my mother was with me helped me stay brave! Well, a little! I jumped out of the bed. I cannot wait to get out of the room and see my mom. She looked worried because she knows how afraid I am of these things.

That day when I was in the bed with that horrible gadget along with other thoughts there was something that I kept telling myself constantly, “This will be over soon” and my favourite word from my favourite novel Eat, pray, love Attraversiamo – Let’s cross over. I picked the courage by saying those words, took the help of my memories and thought of the person I love, developed the hope that my mom was with me and recited the silent prayer to God because I know he is always there with me and will help me get past this. That day I realized life is this moment and I should enjoy it no matter how hard the past was or the present is! We will eventually get over it! J And oh hey! Do take care of your health! Catheters are bad you know those tiny evils hurt you a lot!