So this is the third word document I have opened to type something and I still don’t have anything going on in my head. I don’t know what to write and it aches. Every cell of my body aches to know what I was really good at once is slowly going away from me. I was going through the Humans of New York blog today and I read a story by a woman who wants to be in musical theater and auditions a lot. She tried to satisfy her parents and started working more than auditioning. Now she is afraid that she is changing, falling into the routines that she is happy with but is not really very all that exciting. When I read that I thought maybe I am falling into something like that. I have typed a para or so in almost 3 documents so far and everytime I reached 200 or 250 words I lost interest in writing any further. I don’t think it is writer’s block I think it is laziness and lack of interest. I am pretty happy with my monotonous life and don’t care about changing it. Just becoming the typical IT professional I have been telling others not to be.
Then I thought maybe this is only a phase in life but you know what? I have been thinking this from the beginning of this year. Laziness has caught up with me. Once someone I know asked my age and I told him. He said, “Whoa! You are old!” Apparently, he was flirting with me and when he wanted to take it to the next level he was taken aback to know that I am 4 years elder to him. I am in my late 20s and if that is old! I don’t know what to say. Infact I was a little sad that I am maybe “old”. Then I met this old man who came to deliver a courier to my house. He delivered the courier and asked for some water. I asked his age out of curiosity and he told me that he is 75 years old and he is delivering couriers because he doesn’t want to sit idle at home and depend on his son. Then I read an article about Ritu Kumar, the owner of a famous clothes brand store and learnt she is 72 years old. I then met this man who is 65 years old and runs a 45 Km marathon. I also heard that he is the fastest running man in the entire running group. I saw my own mother making paintings and selling them online.
I always want to be a fashion designer, have my own brand but till today I don’t know to stitch a straight line. I have a sewing machine though but I don’t bother stitching. I meet many people who want to do many things just like me but they don’t because they are busy tangled in the routine. In the ifs and buts they make in their brain. I remember telling one of my friends that writing is like meditation to me. When I write my brain shuts out the world. It doesn’t allow me to think the things that I don’t want to think yet go over and over in my brain, it helps me concentrate. Today I am struggling to do what I love because I let life take control over me. So maybe we should breakfree, maybe sometimes we should force ourselves to do the things we once enjoyed because slowly and secretly life is taking control over you and engulfing the person that you used to be. Fight life and decide your path. Don’t let life choose it for you because if people who have crossed 60 years can do it we are too young to give up and take the course that life chooses for us. Inspirations are always round the corner we just need those special pair of eyes to see them.