As I reach my 30s which I am sure is going to be as beautiful as my twenties I cannot stop but look back and see how much I have changed. Every heartbreak, tears, pain and hurt led me to exactly the person I am today. I am an introvert and come as a very rude person. I still am an introvert and that hasn’t changed. But the rude quotient has reduced. I guess! Life has changed for good. I learnt to live without the things I have craved, longed, yearned. I understood that people are not going to stay in our life and it’s ok. I also found that those who belong to your life will eventually come back. My aunt is like my second mother. Being an introvert and a single daughter I had issues making friends. I still don’t have a vast group of friends and I am soul that walks around with trust issues. This woman is someone I would trust with my life. I run out of words everytime I try to tell someone how much she means to me and the love I have for her. Few years back, we had a fight and I hurt her. I knew I was right and I would still stick to it. Hell! I would stick to my entire life but she couldn’t take the hurt. We stopped talking. She was out of my life for years. I didn’t bother. No, that would be a lie. I did miss her. Every now and then, I used to wish she was around but I always stand by what is right so I let her go. Last year, we made amends. Now we are back to the same old happy aunt and niece. I tell her everything about my life and she tells me about hers. She came back because she belonged to my life. I made no effort.
I made peace with my past. What’s done is done. Thinking that if I had done it otherwise is not going to help. I learn from my mistakes and move on. I guess that’s life. You don’t get a second chance but you always get a chance to change yourself and straighten your mistakes.
Advices are always free. People give me so many advices on how I can find a man for myself. The fact is that I don’t care that I don’t have a man in my life(I am not a lesbian). I have better things to do than to flirt with a stranger on a dating site. When the time’s right I am sure I will meet my prince charming it can happen even tomorrow, who knows? I understood that the idiots who tell me that I have no direction when it comes to love life are losers.
Those who show off like they are the happiest people in the planet are the most sorrowful souls. They are “showing off”. I stopped paying attention to what these people tell me. It could be about their life or a valuable piece of advice (according to them) to me. I don’t listen to them anymore because clearly they should sort out their life first.
People hate you when you tell them the truth. They also hate you when you are happier than them. For years, I have been thinking that there is something wrong with me because of which many of them in my life left. I eventually understood that they cannot handle me or my attitude. I like to be independent. I like to be happy even if the world is crashing down because I am going to be 30 even before I could realize. It is not going to long before I turn 40 so waste a day or an hour being unhappy or spending time with negative people. So I chuck them out of my life. It helps because what matters at the end of the day is not the number of friends you have but the ones that would like to see you grow and smile.
Interests change. For the past 3 years, I have written a lot. But I don’t feel the need anymore. I don’t feel the need to publish everything that I want to write on a blog because when I go through what I have written so far there is a load of shit. There is no competition here and they are not distributing awards. Even if they are, I am not participating. These days I stick to my journal. I like to keep it personal and close to my heart. I feel bad about not publishing a blog frequently but I would trade the immense pressure I feel when I don’t write with this. These days I am doodling a lot. I draw a lot and cook too much. I cook my own lunch and dinner. I spend more time with my family. It might sound stupid but when you want to be something the universe will conspire so if it is my destiny that I will become a writer someday. I will. I don’t need a blog for that all I need is a good plot and a publisher who will like it.
Today as I rode the streets in the rain I was immensely happy. I didn’t have the reason. I was enjoying the climate and the ride. Late 20s has taught me to love life with the imperfections and without the people and things that I thought I cannot live without. It has given me contentment. I can’t wait to grow older!
I am in a relationship with myself and I cannot stop falling in love with me everyday J