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Sunday, 28 June 2015

My Kind of Love

As I sit here at the coffee shop at my favourite mall. I see screaming infants, whining kids, happy kids, angry kids and mothers consoling them, distracting them, cajoling them. I then see a mother feeding her baby a bowl of farex. She is telling him stories just like my mother would have told me when I was a baby. I see husbands walking ahead of their wives and the wives running behind to catch up with them. I see couple walking together leaving their mother behind. She stands near the escalator afraid to get on it but the couple is already in the 1st floor. The chuda on the girl’s hands say that they are newly married. Why would the mother accompany them if they are newly married? Why should they bring their mother if they are not going to take care of her? Wouldn’t it be easier for them if they had told their mother that they want to be left alone. Wouldn’t it be easier for the mother if she understood or rather independent? I see a bunch of girls and boys sitting next to me. They are probably school kids, girls trying to impress the boys and boys trying the same. They laugh and giggle. They exchange secrets, whispering into each other’s ears. I see lovers. I see a couple opposite my table; I can say they are on a date. The girl is all decked up and the guy was trying to keep it cool. They were smiling and blushing; trying hard to keep the conversation going, trying hard to impress each other. I see people. Everyone trying hard to hold on to what they love, what they want and then I wonder why? Because if they love you, you don’t have the hold on, if you love them, you won’t feel insecure.

 I don’t know if love needs impressing. I don’t know if dates are my thing. I am not sure how I would feel with the man I love around me. I might feel a bit nervous and mighty secure or atleast that’s how I want to feel. I wonder how it would feel when the man I am in love with holds my hand and kisses me. Will my heart jump out of the rib? Will I sweat because I am nervous? I will close my eyes and hold him tight and closer so he wouldn’t disappear or if he is melting I would know. I want to melt in his eyes. Will I look into his eyes or shy away and look at the ground? A love that doesn’t require efforts, someone I know for years. Someone who can understand my silence and tears, someone who can fix me after a long, tiring day, who’s arms I can melt into, with whom I can be myself. Who doesn’t notice my flaws and makes a big deal out of it. Who understands I am a mess most of the time and learns to wrap pieces of me I would leave everywhere because I am hurt, happy, excited or dying in bits. Someone who understands, someone who will be there and near my heart even if he is miles away. His voice should be my sunshine.

That’s the type of love I yearn for, not the type of love that makes me nervous because I don’t know if he likes me. I don’t want to feel apprehensive because I am unsure what he is thinking when I have a mess on my plate or because I am holding the fork in the wrong hand. I don’t want to wait for him to tell me that he likes me. I should just know without him telling me. A love where we fight for each other and not fight for what we want as individuals. A love that will not demand.Where we will put us ahead of us. A love that is not so draining and exhaustive. A love where I am not constantly thinking how to make him talk to me.A love that understands if we don’t talk for a day and not a love that would fight for not giving time for each other.

A love so surreal, a love so magical.A love that doesn’t require make up, but accepts the flaws.A love that should let me fly and not weigh me down. That’s my definition of love. That’s the type of love one must have.

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