And so fall in love !

Today, I saw a Tamil movie “aadhalal kadhal seiveer” meaning – “and so fall in love” J Well, it is not a romantic movie. With every passing scene of the movie disgust for our generation kept increasing to an extent that I finally started feeling ashamed about myself for being a part of this generation. The movie is about 2 teenagers who fall in love with each other in college. Despite having very understanding parents, a mother who behaves like a friend that you can trust her and tell her all your secrets and a best friend who keeps telling her why not to trust the guy she is in love with, the girl goes on a date with this boy, has sex and eventually gets pregnant. When the girl’s family finally finds this they decide to talk to the boy’s parents and get them married. However, the parents of the boy have different ideas and they refuse. After lengthy fights, persuasion and arguments the boy and girl decide to split. The stress and trauma these people put their family through was really unforgivable.  The girl having crossed the stage of aborting the child decides to keep it but not marry the guy. The climax made me cry in anger and disgust. After the girl gives birth to the baby her father drops it in an orphanage. After 2 years, the guy and the girl find different partners for each other to live their life. Their kid, the one that was born when they became slaves to their emotions without giving it a second thought grew up in an orphanage playing alone, eating the food himself, not wearing proper clothes and will never get a taste of parenthood when they are still alive living their own lives. My heart crushed.

I was watching this movie with my mom and when the part came where the girl finds that she is pregnant I told ma, “Well, the least they could have done when they have decided to have sex is to play it safe!” She was visibly shocked when I said this. I gave her a puzzled look. And then she told her all famous dialogue, “Ammu! Your generation!! Nothing is ever wrong for you people” I shrugged. I somehow got reminded of these school kids sitting in benches of the railway stations coochie cooing holding hands, leaning on each other, sometimes even kissing each other. Maybe a few ended up like this girl.

Actually until the time I was in school having sex means kissing each other. Well, right now it sounds really stupid but then, my best friend and I the curious dirty minds that we are, sit and discuss for hours on how girls get pregnant and what sex means? What it really is! We could never figure out so we would fall back to discussing about our crushes. And then, until I joined a corporate I never knew there was a term called dating. When I asked one of my good friends he told me, “People meet each other, go around for a while, see if they are compatible enough and then get committed” I asked, “So they can be strangers?” he said that they can be strangers and they can even decide to get physically involved and when they think it is time to part ways they can leave each other. And then few of us say arranged marriage is crap? Good for us!

Then came various terms that I understood what it means because I met various people each with different types of relationship status. Trust me, it was very interesting. One of them was in an open relationship, and then the other one was trying out a relationship (what! How do you try a relationship? You either be in it or you don’t. It sounded like trying to get pregnant. Anyway!), then there was one who was having a casual relationship, I even met someone who was dating 2 guys at the same time, then I finally found few who was committed (whew!). Later, I came across people being in a live-in relationship so when I first heard of something like that and saw people living together before marriage I was not really very comfortable about the idea. Not that I am against it.

Actually, these are all proofs to how complicated our lives have become. Breaking up and single again, being single for a long time are fashion statements, because people think you can enjoy life only if you are single. The fact is you can enjoy life to the fullest and it will look more beautiful if you are really in “love” with someone, because love unburdens you and doesn't pile over you!

I remember people waiting for years to propose the girl they like. I still see people who wait for a long time and sometimes never tell the other person about how they feel for them because that might ruin the friendship they have now. Then there are people who wait for ages to kiss the girl because it is something special, a beautiful moment. But then, these days I have a feeling that everything revolves around that one word which is still a taboo but wanted by almost everybody due to the amount of exposure we have, “sex”. People mistake attraction, lust and infatuation for love and start being with each other. When they finally get the opportunity they just pounce on each other without thinking about the consequences. When the magic and lust finally fades off there is no love. Sad part is even after splitting up they never realize that there was no love in first place! If it is love we wouldn't have such low tolerance for each other because we will love the other person for what they are we learn to accept them with their imperfections. Love has patience and it is unconditional.

If only we realize that love happens gradually and when it does it will not seek for physical pleasure but more love that will last for eternity. That love involves many other beautiful things like seeing your future in his eyes, smiling together, learning to live with the differences, fighting and still holding hands, standing up for each other. True love never fades or doesn’t revolve around physical relationship. True love is all about emotional bonding and it is mature!  Sadly, I have come to believe that our generation are hardly experiencing it what’s more frightful is what if my kids never get to actually experience the magic of love! Maybe I am paranoid or I am old fashioned but I think in terms of love and relationships we have become more civilized and westernized for bad!