Being a grown up

When I was a kid I always wanted to grow up and go to office like my parents. I craved to be independent. I was such a good child that I never demanded anything from my parents, I would tell myself that I will grow up and buy these things with my own money (Yes, I never miss a chance to brag about myself). I did buy them for my own hard earned money.

So I have a thing for my birthday and everybody else’s. I love to be surprised on my birthday and more than that I love to surprise the people I love on my birthday. So I would expect my friends, colleagues and anybody who tells me about the birthday of their loved ones to be like me. When they come and tell me about that I will get all excited and start giving them tips on how they can surprise them.

Now, with my birthday just a week away I am not even excited about it. I feel so numb and lifeless. Normally, this is not how I used to be before my birthday. Well I have nobody to blame but myself I love getting upset over the silliest thing in the world. I am feeling low because all my closest friends are too faaaaar away from me and the one here is also leaving to her native on my birthday. Grrrr!! So with whom will I celebrate my birthday? L I was telling my mom that maybe it’s because I am getting older and got mature that I don’t feel the excitement or maybe my friends are planning something secret (Which is not possible at all, I mean they are so far away from me. That option is nullified). Then, I declared her that I am not going to expect anything for this birthday then maybe something really nice might happen. She called my theory ridiculously lame and it proves that I am not even close to growing up and being mature. Well, ok I know that myself!

Finally, I ranted enough about not feeling great about my birthday. I can get to the topic. So not grown up to my age you know… well! I think is my problem most of the times or maybe all the time. I am having a serious problem now. No not the birthday problem. Growing up means being responsible, taking responsibilities, handling stress, balancing life and many such big words. Wait, what? Was I dreaming to lead such a burdensome life! :O This has actually become a reason that I don’t want my birthday to come. Every year I keep growing up and I think at a point I am forced to do all of the horrible things I have mentioned above. I love balloons, blowing bubbles, eat cotton candy do you really need an age to do the things you love? I think no, but once when I told my mom that I want a balloon one of my closest relative who was with us, the person I love said grow up and behave your age! I kept quiet. I felt bad, if growing up means stop doing the things you love I don’t want to grow up ever!

Then comes the work pressure you cannot be a fresher forever, can you? So you do things that you are not really comfortable with. The first difficult thing for me is to differentiate personal and professional relationship. I mean how can a person who is a good friend in your personal life become a stranger when it comes to profession? L I want to grow up the ladder and become a manager one day (seriously, I love people management such a beautiful thing) but then one of my friends told me, if you want to lead a team you will not have friends. Why should things be this way? But then you have to sacrifice things to move ahead in life. But then working even during the weekends! Horrible nightmare and I am not sacrificing my life for a position!

So these are the thoughts that ponder my mind as I grow old by a year next week! Unfortunately, I think a lot and this is only adding up to the misery.

My Favourite quote from Grey's Anatomy :)

Does age really matter?

Should I have to be a 9 year old to eat cotton candies and lolly pops or buy a balloon or blows soap bubbles?

Should I lose my friends for work? Can I not have friends at work if I should grow up the ladder?

Should I not do stupid, silly things because I am grown up?

What’s wrong if I wear clothes that don’t fit my age? I am comfortable in it!

Can I not act like a kid and pour the juice on my dress or smudge the ice cream all over my face as I eat it?

Should I give up my weekend and family because my manager thinks I should work and my performance is more important?

Am I not responsible if I buy a high end phone and spend money lavishly?

Am I stupid and irresponsible if I travel miles just to spend time with my friends?

Am I selfish and cruel to my parents if I think that I am not ready for marriage yet?

Precisely, should I stop doing the things I love because the world continuously judges me for everything I do and not live my life? I don’t think so.

So here’s the thing, I am grown up and I am getting older every single second so are you! I don’t care what you do in your life and I don’t care what you think about me. I will be the same even after 20 years. I will be irresponsible, stupid and crazy. I know I will have a person who will be equally crazy with me but with a teeny bit of responsibility! I will always have the set of people who will never ever judge me, they are my people. I don’t try to impress them. They don’t try to impress me. We are just us.

As my birthday approaches, here’s to being a grown up! You suck but I don’t care! No matter how much I screw up my career, what people think of me I will not grow up. I will still whine like a kid and ask for balloons with my eyes wide open! Because I love being me!